INTERNET: Welcome to BlogSpot.com! Who do we have on the blog today?
BEATRICE & PORTIA: Hi, we’re Beatrice and Portia, long-time lurkers, first-time bloggers!
INTERNET: What can you tell us about yourselves, for all those readers out there who hate introductory blogs?
BEATRICE: Portia and I have known each other for 8 long and glorious years, and, thus, sometimes I cannot tell where my sense of humor begins and hers ends.
PORTIA: I’d say hers begins with “M”. Mine ends somewhere near “X”.
DRUM KIT: *badum tisk*
INTERNET: Are “Beatrice” and “Portia” your real names?
BEATRICE: *is distracted by video game being played in vicinity*
PORTIA: *gets sucked in as well*
INTERNET: …we’ll skip that question.
BEATRICE & PORTIA: *abandon Internet dialogue theme in favor of something more productive*
Without further ado (see what we did thar?)…
Ado: n. – time-wasting bother over trivial details.
Much Ado About Blogging: n. – A blog in which “ado” is a primary component of the title, which therefore encompasses entries spent discussing relatively insignificant details utilizing hopefully, potentially entertaining prose.
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: Come along, people! This way please! Our tour on “Beatrice and Portia” is starting now!
*Touristy camera clicking*
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: Beatrice and Portia met in 2001 in the 5th grade and bonded over a mutual love for the film The Mummy and all things mythological. Elementary school passed as they formed alliances with friends R and V, carried along with classic childhood lightheartedness. All right, let’s move on to Junior High!
TOURISTS: Ooh.
*Fanny packs rustle*
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: Junior high was a time of transition, filled with pointless activities such as “The Pink Panther Club” and a short career in fan fiction that has been carefully hidden from the eyes of the mature adults with whom they now associate.
TOURIST: Are there any surviving members of “The Pink Panther Club”?
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: It is an ancient society that has since passed into legacy much like other clandestine societies such as the Opus Dei. Let’s move on to High School!
*More camera clicking*
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: Freshman year was eventful for Beatrice and Portia. Not content with mere Internet fame on fan fiction, Beatrice wrote a fantasy novel that now effectively brings a blush to her cheeks. Portia nearly had a nervous breakdown after entering Geometry. Both spent one study hall period drawing on V with crayon.
TOURIST: Is the novel in the museum?
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: I’m afraid the only surviving copy is locked in a vault somewhere. I believe there’s been some discussion regarding whether to burn it for the greater good of humanity. Now, after freshman year came the Great Falling Out of 2006, after which Beatrice and Portia did not speak to each other until January of the following year.
*collective gasp*
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: Yes, it was a dark time in history. However, the Peaceful Reconciliation of 2007 reunited the comedic pair.
*enter Junior Year Exhibit*
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: Junior year came and went, Portia both fell in love and was heartbroken, and Beatrice met the man who would soon become Husband. Junior year’s end was marked by the Second Great Falling Out of 2008. Beatrice then tested out of high school, married Husband in November 2008, and moved to Sydney, Australia, leaving Portia to finish high school without her.
*shuffling*
TOURIST: *raises hand* This tour is getting really boring!
TOUR GUIDE BARBIE: All right, fine. Portia was valedictorian, went to college, reconciled with Beatrice, she and Husband moved back home and she is now employed at a purveyor of women’s intimate apparel, while Portia attempts to battle the beast that is higher education. Happy fun times ensued, and now they’re here ready to make blogging history.
Hmm, this introductory post is constipated – it didn’t really flow well…
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment